Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
-- Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5
Frankie and Slim
Happy New Year
Monday, July 28, 2014
HAVING THE RIGHT
Question Of The Week 7-28-14
You are visiting in the home of a friend. You glance at a letter on the desk and see that your name is mentioned. Do you ask your friend about it? Do you read the letter? Do you forget about it and go on?
Nothing remotely similar to this has ever happened to me, ever. I don't really know what I'd do. How I would react probably would depend on how close I am to the friend. If it were a very close friend, I might ask. How I would feel about it would also depend on whether it was a business or personal correspondence. But I really think that I'd be too ashamed to admit that I was peeking at their desk to ask and mortified by the thought of reading it. My carpool friend picks his battles on the basis of deciding if he wants to be right or be happy. I think that I'd be wise to follow his lead on this one.
I'd probably read it. I think it's human nature. I'd never mention it though. And if it said something nice, I'd treasure that little secret, but if it said something awful, I'd have to choke it down, so I don't get caught.
Many years ago, my MIL read a diary I had been keeping and was mad at me for something she claimed I said. It wasn't until after she died that I discovered she'd made a copy of the diary for herself. She was mad about something I'd written, but had to cover her own bad deed up with a lie.
Reading it is not the bad thing. What you DO with it afterwards is what can be the bad thing.
kenju I might be in the middle of reading or writing a letter and if someone dropped by, I wouldn't think about putting the letter away....well, unless it was about them. lol
heartinhand Bad, bad MIL. My mother told me never to put anything in writing that I wouldn't be proud for anyone to read. Of course she usually gave that lecture just after she had read something private of mine.
I would forget and move on. I am sure I have feeling about other people and they should have the right to express how they feel about me. We all have good and bad qualities.
I would so go on, because the chance of any good coming of reading someone elses stuff is not high. My mother opened and read my locked diary when I was a teen, never again did I write things down that could be used against me...
It wouldn't bother me - I'd assume my friend was mentioning me in a good way. I wouldn't give it another thought. Annie - I replied to your comment to me. I find YOU an inspiration.
A few years back I would have wanted to know what it said but now I wouldn't read it or ask. I work hard at "minding my own business". I would also assume that they were writing something nice.
Nope...none of my business. I would assume she was saying something nice about me, unless we were having issues. Then if we were having issues I might not spend as much time with her anymore. I would be curious, but I am almost positive that I would find something else to occupy my mind until she came back into the room.
Granny Annie, that is the beauty of Andrew's decision process. It changes with each situation. With him it usually has to do with some form of family strife. He is happy when there is less strife. So he often is willing to let the "right" thing slide to have a peaceful family life. With me, the question is more what is the right thing to do and will anyone be hurt if I do it or decide not to do it. And will I be happy once it's done. So I guess I'd have to ignore the letter. I am more likely to forget about it if I don't know what is in it. If it is something that I will need to deal with it is likely to come knocking on my door.
If it was right out in the open, and I could continue to read it without touching anything, I would at least skim it. But if I found something in there that needed further discussion, I wouldn't pretend that I hadn't seen it. I would simply say "I happened to see this sitting out there; what's going on with such-and-such?" If it's clearly visible and I am on the premises via invitation, I am going to assume that whatever it is isn't all that confidential.
I know what I should do - but sadly fear that my speed reading self would read that letter.
ReplyDeleteNothing remotely similar to this has ever happened to me, ever. I don't really know what I'd do. How I would react probably would depend on how close I am to the friend. If it were a very close friend, I might ask. How I would feel about it would also depend on whether it was a business or personal correspondence. But I really think that I'd be too ashamed to admit that I was peeking at their desk to ask and mortified by the thought of reading it. My carpool friend picks his battles on the basis of deciding if he wants to be right or be happy. I think that I'd be wise to follow his lead on this one.
ReplyDeleteElephant's Child
ReplyDeleteBless you for your answer. I too sadly fear I would read it.
Lisa
But what would be "right" and what would be "happy"? Still another question.
I would probably say something about--"goodness--you still write snail mail?" and hope they would expand on whom and what.
ReplyDeleteGood one. I would read if I had the opportunity to do it without being caught. Otherwise, I would let it gnaw at me for weeks afterward.
ReplyDeleteArkansas Patti
ReplyDeleteGood idea. And if they didn't expand on it, would you read it the minute they left the room again?
Olga Hebert
That is so true. Without finding out it would drive me crazy.
Curiosity would get the best of me. I'd like to think that none of my friends would leave a half-written letter out for anyone to see...LOL
ReplyDeleteI'd probably read it. I think it's human nature. I'd never mention it though. And if it said something nice, I'd treasure that little secret, but if it said something awful, I'd have to choke it down, so I don't get caught.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, my MIL read a diary I had been keeping and was mad at me for something she claimed I said. It wasn't until after she died that I discovered she'd made a copy of the diary for herself. She was mad about something I'd written, but had to cover her own bad deed up with a lie.
Reading it is not the bad thing. What you DO with it afterwards is what can be the bad thing.
kenju
ReplyDeleteI might be in the middle of reading or writing a letter and if someone dropped by, I wouldn't think about putting the letter away....well, unless it was about them. lol
heartinhand
Bad, bad MIL. My mother told me never to put anything in writing that I wouldn't be proud for anyone to read. Of course she usually gave that lecture just after she had read something private of mine.
I would forget and move on. I am sure I have feeling about other people and they should have the right to express how they feel about me.
ReplyDeleteWe all have good and bad qualities.
I would so go on, because the chance of any good coming of reading someone elses stuff is not high. My mother opened and read my locked diary when I was a teen, never again did I write things down that could be used against me...
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't bother me - I'd assume my friend was mentioning me in a good way. I wouldn't give it another thought. Annie - I replied to your comment to me. I find YOU an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteA few years back I would have wanted to know what it said but now I wouldn't read it or ask. I work hard at "minding my own business". I would also assume that they were writing something nice.
ReplyDeleteBirdie
Nope...none of my business. I would assume she was saying something nice about me, unless we were having issues. Then if we were having issues I might not spend as much time with her anymore. I would be curious, but I am almost positive that I would find something else to occupy my mind until she came back into the room.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I'd speed read it like Sue did. :)
ReplyDeleteI'd probably say nothing...but wonder a lot! :)
ReplyDeleteGranny Annie, that is the beauty of Andrew's decision process. It changes with each situation. With him it usually has to do with some form of family strife. He is happy when there is less strife. So he often is willing to let the "right" thing slide to have a peaceful family life. With me, the question is more what is the right thing to do and will anyone be hurt if I do it or decide not to do it. And will I be happy once it's done. So I guess I'd have to ignore the letter. I am more likely to forget about it if I don't know what is in it. If it is something that I will need to deal with it is likely to come knocking on my door.
ReplyDeletegood one! i doubt that I would read it. i'd hope my friend would mention it to me, but if not i'd just try to forget about it.
ReplyDeleteon the other hand, if it were written by a family member, well .....
I would ask because you said it was a friend's house.
ReplyDeleteIf it was an attorney's office, I would read the letter as fast as I could.
It's all relative.
If it was right out in the open, and I could continue to read it without touching anything, I would at least skim it. But if I found something in there that needed further discussion, I wouldn't pretend that I hadn't seen it. I would simply say "I happened to see this sitting out there; what's going on with such-and-such?" If it's clearly visible and I am on the premises via invitation, I am going to assume that whatever it is isn't all that confidential.
ReplyDeleteNow inquiring minds want to know! This happened to you or someone you know? What did you/they do?
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't ask, but wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it, either.
Think I'd glance a little longer:)
ReplyDeleteI'd read the part with my name in it- hopefully good info but not too personal...!
ReplyDeleteI will ask her about my name in the letter after apologizing about taking a look.
ReplyDelete