Slim and Franke

Slim and Franke
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Monday, March 04, 2013


Question Of The Week 3-4-13

Are you willing to forgive and forget or do you hold a grudge?


  1. Both.

    I have some friends who I have forgiven for past transgressions inflicted (albiet a very long waiting period had to pass before doing so) and there are some who fall into the category of ex-friends.

  2. I can forgive but I find it hard to forget. Some things I can move past but other things will really colour my views of a person.

  3. G.B.Miller -- The key word there is "friends". It is much easier to forgive those persons who are truly friends.

    LL Cool Joe -- Is it truly "forgiveness" if you can't forget? It seems to me that forgetting can only follow if one forgives. I find both very difficult sometimes. Just when I think all is forgiven my grudges will raise their ugly heads in my dreams.

  4. I do try to be a forgiving person. I sometimes have to remind myself (multiple times) that holding a grudge is worse for me than for the person I have a grudge against.


  5. as always Annie, this is a wonderful thought provoking question.

    I try really hard to forgive and to realize others actions are often demons within themselves they they are attempting to spread to others.
    as for forgetting- I actually dont see that as a healthy idea.
    I have learned that remembering is a huge gift so that I am aware of what actions to NOT perpetuate against others..
    I also have to somewhat appreciate the offending person for the lesson they taught me , as thier action is their Karma and by learning from them, I need not make it mine.

    love ya bunches and sending you healing vibes thru the ethers.

  6. This is a toughie, Annie. There are some things that I truly believe are unforgivable (incest, murder, etc.)...others, I can forgive, but I never forget. It's not exactly holding a grudge so much as it's holding a memory. In the end, we all make mistakes and how we rectify them is what is really telling, isn't it?

    I know forgiveness is more about the person doing the forgiving, but I admit I'm not a saint and that sometimes doesn't sit well with my spirit.

  7. I am generally the forgiving & forgetting type. Of course one can never completely forget an incident. It will always remain in the sub conscious mind. Forgetting really means means locking up an unsavory incident in some compartment in your mind so that it does not keep reappearing when ever you meet or talk to the concerned person.

  8. I always want to forgive and to forget. I think in a way it is easier to forgive then forget. I do admit it is much harder when it involves my kids. But I do try. It'll eat you up if you don't!

  9. I can forgive, but not forget (very often.) It sure seems to come up fairly often, the need to forgive.

  10. It's much easier to forgive and forget than to hold a grudge.
    The prison sentence is a governing factor.

  11. Jeanie -- Oh brother, you are so right. I have often held a grudge only to find that the offender didn't even remember the incident and I had been haunted for no reason.

    Sonny -- Glad you liked the question. It seems that life always gives us more questions than answers. Yes, we can learn a lot from those who might offend us.

    Talon -- You are so right my friend. It is difficult not to put some horrible incidents in a category all their own. I cannot ever find it in my heart to forgive a child abuser.

    Ramakrishnan Ramanathan -- That darn sub-conscience will always be a trouble maker!

    Chatty Crone -- You and I both get hung up on the "forgetting" part don't we?

    Lynn -- It does seem to come up often doesn't it? From mundane day to day crisis to major friend or family disagreements. I guess if we all got along there wouldn't be much to learn in life.

    Cliff -- I can always count on you to make a valid point. However those prison sentences don't seem to deter everyone from evening the score.

  12. Hello Annie
    Ditto to Talon's comment and what Jeannie said sounds familiar as well. Like you I find it most annoying to think the 'incident' doesn't even register on the offenders memory!
    It really 'is' the forgetting part that's the problem!
    Take care

    Cathy @ Still Waters

  13. I forgive as always because forgiving others is good for our soul :)

    I don't hold grudges, if I think a friendship is not worth nurturing...I'll just let it go.

  14. I'm with Joey. It took me quite a lot of years to realize that if you don't forgive, it just eats at you. But then I also believe in that verse about not throwing pearls before swine.

  15. OMG, this question could not have come at a better moment. Annie, I'm laughing over here (and a little in shock). Wish I could tell you why but let's just say you've given me something to think about. I normally forgive, but I wasn't going to this time. Now I may forgive but not stick around for future bs, if that makes any sense. :)

  16. Like LLCool, I am willing to forgive. It is a little hard for me to forget. If some one does not apologize, then it is really hard.

  17. I do try to forgive. I don't know if I necessarily forget though.

  18. I remember that scene n the ancient effects! cool pic you found!

    It depends on how serious the infringement-
    Stealing I tend to never forgive. Then there's little white lies n major deceptions...
    I think forgiveness is directly related to how bad it hurt.
    Time heals most wounds, but trust is tough to keep dishing out...

    (Why? What did you do???) j/k

  19. Cathy -- If only we could clear our memory banks of select past occurrences. It would be nice to have a delete button.

    Shionge -- You sound very wise my friend.

    Riot Kitty -- Matthew 7:6 "Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." I've had a few turn and try to tear me to pieces, have you?

    Ileana -- Sounds serious. Hope it will all get better with whoever is your adversary.

    Munir -- I have found too often that apologies are rare in coming from an offender and if there was going to be peace, usually I have had to initiate it.

    Kay -- Forgetting is tough isn't it?

    Snaggle Tooth --This was good: "Time heals most wounds, but trust is tough to keep dishing out..." Many times my trusting has led me right in the door of pain. Oh dear, where can I begin on the things I have done that require forgiveness. I'll tell when you tell. LOL

  20. there is a difference between forgiving and having trust restored...Forgiveness is realitivly easy - you are no longer angry, no bitterness or anger or sorrow, but then if trust is broken - that is a wound that does not heal well.

  21. Brite Mist -- You are so right. I have forgiven people but never trusted them again.

  22. Forgiving - I usually do - with time - forgetting is harder.
    My best friend let me down at the last moment when she was to have been my bridesmaid.
    After a lot of agonising I realised I did not want to lose her friendship just because her standards of behaviour were different to mine. So I altered my expectations and she is still an old valued friend.

    This has happened a couple of times. Sometimes the most vibrant,
    fun people are not totally reliable.

  23. I am very forgiving. In fact, some people have told me that I forgive too easily. It's just that I find that loving people is so much more pleasant than holding a grudge against them. I suppose you could say that I "hold a grudge" against people who have demonstrated that they will hurt me repeatedly (relatives who I can't escape contact with) in order to protect myself, but that's just common sense.