QUESTION OF THE WEEK 10-24-11
Do you want to hear the honest truth?
Does your make-up look good? Is your hair okay? Do you have any gunk in your teeth? Is your fly open? What about that stain on your shirt? Are your fake eyebrows crooked? Is your wig or toupee straight? How is your breath? Did you really say that? Are you really going to wear that? Should anyone, especially your closest friends, tell you the brutal and honest truth?
(Do I really look okay or is my vision failing me? As we get older do we worry more about our appearance? "Please tell me if I ever start looking like Myrtle Brown" was a bargain made with Ron years ago. Myrtle was an elderly customer at the bank. She had bright red hair with white roots. She applied her rouge in circles like a clown's make-up and her clothes were ancient and ill-fitting. Yet she strutted around as if she were a model on the runway. No one would ever have told her that she looked very strange. As comfortable and confident as Myrtle appeared to be, would she have preferred the truth to having people laughing behind her back? Should even our closest friends be expected to tell the brutal yet honest truth?)
I don't know - I think kindness should always be in the forefront when considering saying something about another person's appearance.
ReplyDeleteThere was a woman who worked in my building at my corporate job and she was very overweight, but dressed to the nines in flashy outfits; sometimes showing more curvature than might have been advisable. I was on the elevator with she and a few other women once and she got off on the next floor. When the door closed, one of the women said to the others, "I want to say to her, 'Just because they make it in your size...'" Much laughter at this. I was thinking, "I hope you don't." Because the woman they are referring to walked proudly and was happy with her looks.
I think your plan with Ron is a good one - we should all have a "safe" person to alert us as requested. :)
I, personally, would love someone to tell me if they thought what I was wearing was inappropriate. Or my makeup was too wild. Or anything that would embarrass them if they were seen by me. Sometimes I ask my husband about outfits and he always tells me I look fine. And I proceed to tell him to be truthful, because I really want to know if I need to change. I think sometimes he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I know at times I still dress like I'm 16 (at age 50) and I definitely do NOT have that body anymore. My common sense just leaves. I would love to have an honest answer to my question. So for me, personally, YES please tell me. However I have to agree with Lynn about the lady she encountered on the elevator.
ReplyDeleteHi Annie..
ReplyDeleteI would love to respond Truthfully to your question toay but if I do- I might alienate 90% of blogland :)
so I'll just say this and folks if Truthful with themselves, can easily apply it to their life.
"just a sample"
Had Casey Anthony spoken TRUTH, she'd be looking at a needle.
I'll say no more but then, I probably dont need too..
Just recently my husband went behind my back to my sister and urged her to talk to me about about going to the doctor. I was mad for days but eventually got over it. My blood pressure was high, but it's now under control.
ReplyDeleteI guess if the help comes from a good place, the rancor will eventually dissipate.
I dare say on a really good friend would be brave enough to speak up but it would indeed be love.
ReplyDeleteI would want to be told, but in a loving way. This can be a very delicate subject for some. It's good you have a partner to tell you if you start looking like a Myrtle Brown!! I know some of those Myrtle Browns!!
ReplyDeleteWhat about those hairs coming out of our chins? sandie
ReplyDeleteTelling the truth to a friend or co-worker is like juggling hand grenades, in that you really have to be on your toes and be prepared for any little slip-up.
ReplyDeleteI've had on numerous occasions, the truth taken tragically the wrong way and paid a heavy price for it in the long run.
Now I'm much more careful on how much truth I decide to tell my close friends. I only tell as much to them as they chose to do with me.
I would want to be told if there was a rip in my pants or something else that was obviously wrong, like spinach on my teeth. But when it comes to matters of individual taste I think each person has to wear what makes them happy. I would not offer a critique unless someone asked me for one, and I would be very, very gentle with whatever feedback I might give.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sparkling Red. I also agree with Lynn's comment. If someone is happy showing an individual style, we should live and let live. I remember around 50 years ago they didn't make colorful, fashionable clothes in large sizes. I had a friend who was plus-sized, and we'd walk up to a rack of vibrant, stylish tops. By the time we got to the 16s they had morphed into plain white blouses. Thank goodness larger women are freer now to wear what they like, even if they aren't a size zero!
ReplyDeleteI'd always rather know. But there is a nice way of saying so.
ReplyDeleteYes... but you can be honest in a less brutal way. But I guess the main thing here is if one can be honest with your friends. I think we should be... if I look idiotic and my friends wouldn't point it out, I would be more hurt afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling Myrtle was very different all her life and would not have appreciated advice about her appearance from anyone. Now being dirty and disheveled is another story!
ReplyDeleteLynn – You said it all with “kindness should always be in the forefront.” Plus I believe we all know the woman you mentioned. She is the one we are jealous of because she is confident.
ReplyDeleteBonnie – All husbands take the “it looks fine” route. And just when we think they are brave. LOL Actually they are quite brave to speak at all in such a moment.
Sonny – Whew, you peaked my curiosity on that note. The kind of truth involved with Casey Anthony is a much bigger ball game. By the way, if I could have commented on your post with those cute little mummy meat loafs I would have said, “Clever idea. I would have to use my own meatloaf recipe though. The family expects that. But using your potato recipe on the top would be the "icing on the cake" so to speak”
Cube – You have a wise spouse to know the influence a sister can have. Obviously he was very concerned about you to play that card.
Changes in the wind – You can feel the love in a suggestion from a friend as opposed to a suggestion from an enemy.
Rachel – I always believed that Myrtle either didn’t own a mirror or that she was nearing blindness. She used all the right ingredients just lost the skill of “use sparingly” and that is where I fear I might end up going without someone to tell me “Whoa”.
Chatty Crone – Oh no, not the chin hairs!!! Surely someone would tell us about one of those. “gone wild” and it’s all you can do not to reach out and pull it off.
G – I was the office manager and noticed one evening that the staff and customers were all exceptionally nice to me, almost sympathetic in their smiles. It wasn’t until the office closed for the evening and I stopped by the bathroom before going home that I glanced in the mirror and notices my Hitler mustache from my leaky ink pen. Not a soul had told me. I wonder if someone felt the truth might take a tragic turn for them. I believe I would have appreciated being told.
ReplyDeleteSparkling Red – Hopefully we all would be gentle with our feedback but sometimes I think people ask advice when they already know the answer. If they were in doubt about their selections before they left home they should have changed rather than go around asking for opinions. To me a rip in pants or spinach in teeth is an alert always appreciated when given quietly.
Susan Adcox – It really has only been recently that stylish clothing has come out in suitable fashions for the plus size gals and guys. I know because it is something I have always struggled with and am sometimes appalled by stores that still cater only through Misses sizes and throw in a few ugly plus sizes to keep us out of their stores. When I worked in an office people were often amazed by my great clothes because I found a wonderful shop that catered to African American women and they had spectacular clothes for every size woman.
Riot Kitty – You made a perfect rhyme.
Holland – Amen Holland. You said it very well.
Tabor – You are right about Myrtle. I think she would not have received advice very well. I also agree about the dirty and disheveled. The other day I stood behind a man in the dollar store who was dirty and smelled so bad he left a wake of odors in his path. By the time I got to the local grocery story he had already walked there and I was behind him in line again. I so desperately wanted to offer to help him find a way to keep himself cleaner and offer to buy him some hygiene products.
Hey I do know some people don't age well but having said that...we just have be ourselves..neat and tidy :D
ReplyDeleteYou always have the best questions that really make me think. Hmmm...yes and no. Yes, if someone really and truly has my best interest at heart then go for it with "whatever" but if they are just being catty....then no. Now, if someone is just being catty, then they will say something anyway about "whatever" but if someone has your best interest at heart they might be kinder in their approach.
ReplyDeleteI have a relative that told me I should stop coloring my hair and let it go completely gray. That relative and I do not share any of the same taste when it comes to clothes, hair, activities, etc. so I would never take her advice on those things.
Having 3 daughters, believe me, they would tell me if I was not looking so good or needed to change my appearance. :)
Depends what it is, if it's because my flies are undone or there's snot on my face, yes, but if it's people wanting to give me fashion advice, no.I'm aware i could look much more attractive than I do if i dressed differently, but it's not about being attractive for me, its about being true to myself.
ReplyDeleteDear Annie ~~ That is a difficult question
ReplyDeleteand hard to decide what is right. Most prefer the truth, gently and I think it depends on the person asking.
I think someone should tell the lady at the top of your post - something !!!
Not sure what. Take care, Love, Merle.
Shionge – Now just how is a C.F.G.H. (Chicken Farmer Goat Herder) like myself supposed to remain “neat and tidy”? LOL
ReplyDeleteMarla and Steve – Yes I would have to question the motives of the relative who thinks you should let your hair go gray. Of course you have tapped the core of “brutal honesty” and that is daughters!!!
LL Cool Joe – Did we not all know that you’re gonna look how you want to look and the rest of the world can take a flying leap? However back to Marla and Steve’s point – I believe your daughters could sway you somewhat.
Merle -- Absolutely the "gentle truth" and the "person asking" are the keys. As for my Myrtle Brown there was nothing to say to her except "You look fabulous!" LOL
lol Hitler moustashe unaware! Oh no-
ReplyDeleteGreat points made here about style vs accidentals informing, n the public nature of the clue something's off...
Matters of style are an opinion- n we all get to do our thing. I really hate forgetting the mirror check before going to the store.
Sometimes I get pretty messy... I have no one to check.
Snaggle Tooth -- Great comment "Matters of style are an opinion". I shall quote you.
ReplyDeleteI'll take truth any day no matter how much it hurts over a pack of lies!!
ReplyDelete