 |
"I let someone
in and I had the time of my life."
~Quote
from Diane Keaton in the movie SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE |
It had been my life to go to
sleep alone and awaken alone. Suddenly I was blessed with a loving,
trusted, gentle companion and years that yielded cuddles and hugs and
nightly kisses. Now again I go to sleep alone and awaken alone and
the thirteen and one half years have disappeared.
I met him on a Tuesday and
my heart stood still. We knew we would never celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary so we celebrated Tuesday
anniversaries of the day we met. He died just short of our 700th.
Our courtship is saved on paper.
Most of it was done through cyberspace by email. One genuine
dinosaur John Wayne and one semi-dinosaur Baby Boomer managing to
fight our way into the 21st Century looking for love. His
search was due to his doctor's prescription. Mine was just being in
the right place at the right time.
We lived a dream. Now I am
awake and it is over. The memories will never be over.
Hello again Annie - take time for all things - we'll be here. We'll be here to share your memories - when the time is right
ReplyDeleteTake care
Cathy
Cathy @ Still Waters
That's so lovely - that you celebrated Tuesday anniversaries of the day you met. You are blessed with memories. (((HUG)))
ReplyDeleteOh, Annie, I read this with tears in my eyes. I hope you can find serenity and acceptance (although I wish you didn't have to.) It was too soon, but perhaps you can focus on the joy of finding him and having him for the time you did.
ReplyDeleteCathy -- I came back sooner than expected because as I began reading everyone's posts I realized how much I needed my blogging community.
ReplyDeleteLynn -- Yes we had an abundance of fun those years together. Packed a lifetime into a small span.
Kenju -- Thanks for your support. It is my wish that I won't belabor my loss. So many have lost a spouse and know what I'm going through but somehow I cannot see beyond our life together. Hopefully I will grow less selfish.
You are fortunate and wise to know that you had something very special. Keep those wonderful memories close to your heart and share them as you wish. There is nothing selfish about grief.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI love ya to pieces and if it was in my power to ease your pain, lordy mercy, I surely wood.
I am with you in spirit and if you need anything at all, please dont hesitate to ask.. I'm here for you , day or night, happy or sad..
wish you could feel this hug
((((Annie))))
Your memories together will last a lifetime and the time you spent together was, and always will be, the greatest moments of his life. One day, you will be reunited and the Tuesday anniversaries will begin once again. You are constantly in our thoughts. (Rob)
ReplyDeleteI was very sorry to hear of your husband's passing. What a loving tribute you left for him.
ReplyDeleteOh, Annie, words cannot soothe. Time will heal, but you were so lucky to have those years. So perfect to have those memories. So sorry for this challenge you face! Be like the willow and bend...don't break.
ReplyDeleteSiting here with goose bumps - wonderful to have found him and his love which makes it tougher to lose him. Sending love. think of you daily.Love J
ReplyDeleteI wish you peace.
ReplyDeleteThat was lovely. It's a loss unlike any other. Wish I could find the right words to soothe your pain. Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteThis was a beautiful post. Sending you big, big hugs - I love how you celebrated every week!
ReplyDeleteRE: your comment, you are NOT being selfish. It sucks that Ron was taken away from you too soon, and I hope you show yourself grace by letting yourself grieve. XO!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time, Annie. I know how you feel and the best advice I can give you is to make sure you let everyone around you know that it is not only all right to talk about Ron but that you want them to bring up happy memories of him so you can enjoy those happy times you had together again.
From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Your loving friend...
Oh my goodness. I have been mostly absent from computers this month and just now learned what has gone on with you. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. I am so sorry. But how wonderful to have had those 700 weeks, and what pleasure the good memories will continue to bring.
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs and healing thoughts go your way. xo
What a touching and heartfelt tribute. You are in my thoughts often.
ReplyDeleteHey Annie, I wish you much strength during this time and thank you for sharing this tribute with us. You have taught me to treasure all my love ones and everyone is a blessed day.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs & Kisses :D
The hardest part of living, for me, is the loss of those we love and have loved us...those that have known us and accepted us just how we are...and loved us anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe last few years I've had more losses than I thought I could bear...and another yesterday...and I know how you feel, Annie, though I have not lost my husband. The memories make the loss almost...almost...bearable.
Gosh I am so dense and I don't want to believe what I am reading...I am so sorry about the loss of your love. I will be keeping you in my heart and prayers. sandie
ReplyDeleteSo sweet!
ReplyDeleteMy condolences!
www.rsrue.blogspot.com
Last night was the second time - in the six months since he left me, that I felt him in bed beside me. Not quite awake I tried to cling to the moment. It was so comforting - and proof that he is never far away.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you. Go gently.
annie, this is such a beautiful tribute. i can only imagine the void you are feeling with ron's passing. i'm sure he's with you in spirit and always will be. i'll always remember the little tidbits in your comments which told me how much you two loved to laugh together. God bless you, my friend. may you take comfort in knowing you and ron touched lives with your lovingness.
ReplyDeleteJeanie – The memories are all special even the ones that included visits to his doctors. His sense of humor went with him everywhere and his storytelling was never ending.
ReplyDeleteSonny – Here is an early memory I love to share. He opened his suitcase at the airport when he arrived from San Diego for our first visit. He pulled out a wet paper bag and inside was a perfect bouquet of roses. I still have the petals tucked safely in a box. Love you too.
Rob and Monica – Rob, I always think of the two of you and hope you never fail to kiss goodnight. You and Monica seem to share a unique love of your own.
Cube – Thank you. I only wish I could post all the wonderful tributes and stories that his shipmates, friends and family shared about him. Most talked about what a giving person he was and how willing he was to help anyone in need.
Tabor – Ron was so strong it would not be right for me to break when he faced so many obstacles in his lifetime without giving in. I promised him at the end that he had taught me well and that I would be okay.
JeanMac – I always think of your strength and how your love is seen every day in your dealing with Wayne and holding him close in the memories of better days,. You are my inspiration.
Olga – And I wish the same for you and Mike as you struggle with medical issues.
Rae – I have lost others in my life. Persons so very close to me. But your are right, this is a loss unlike any other. I guess each loss stands on its own and not a one is easy.
Riot Kitty – Always great to know that you've got my back. You allow me to kick and scream and announce to the world “This sucks and it isn't fair!” What would I do without you?
Nancy – You are in my thoughts daily. The years you and Roy had make our time together pale in comparison but the love does not pale. We both had strong men dedicated to family and to God and country. They loved us back and they made us laugh (the best ingredient in a happy marriage) and we will miss them forever. I know if you can do it, I can do it.
Kerry – Thank you Kerry for the huge hugs and healing thoughts. It is never too late to wish a friend well.
Susan Adcox – Thank you for your kind words. Please keep me in your thoughts. I've got a long way to go.
Shionge – You are simply a loving person and no one needs to teach you that. You are a wonderful example of sharing and giving and caring for others.
Talon – You hit the nail on the head with “those that have known us and accepted us just how we are and loved us anyway.”
Pat – I am praying for such moments. I have not yet even had a dream about Ron. However when I wasn't being careful the other day and almost killed myself stepping on the pitchfork I'm quite sure I heard “Pay attention to what you are doing!” beings shouted behind me. He always said I was totally running amok before he found me.
Namaste – Ron promised me two things if I married him. A life of laughter and abject poverty. True on the laughter and thankfully not so much poverty.
I am so sorry. Memories will last forever and remind you of all the good times. Yet, the pain of the loss is still deeply there.
ReplyDeleteRalph
I cannot imagine your heartache. Thank you for sharing your sweet memories.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post. {{{hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteOh Annie... I'm so very sorry. There are never enough adequate words at times like this. Your post is so beautiful a tribute that I read it to my husband. I'm sending you warm tropical embraces and keeping you in my heart.
ReplyDeleteTouching post Annie...Beautiful memories are to be shared...hugs
ReplyDeleteIt is so nice to have you post again. I know it must be hard to walk this path and it makes me think of that phrase "is it better to have loved and lost or not loved at all"....I am quite sure you would pick the first one.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to know what to say. I know you're sad and fairly crushed for the present, happy for the past and pretty darned apprehensive about the future but I know Ron's waiting to see how you handle this and he'll be darned proud of you I'm quite sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm honored to remember that once you said I'm too much like your husband. I'm not sure it wasn't necessarily meant as a compliment but it was to me. (something about politics I believe.)
Two people spending life joined with love and good sense's of humor is priceless. We'll watch for more stories about Ron.
A wonderfully lovely tribute to Ron.
ReplyDeleteSounds like he was truly one in a million.
Ralph – The thing that will truly be most difficult is the fact that we did not have an bad times and that's the truth. We certainly did disagree often but those arguments always ended up in laughter.
ReplyDeleteSparkling Red – Yep, we had some doozies of memories. Thank you for kind words.
Bonnie BIZ – Glad you read it. Now I'll be telling more stories about Slim so tell your girls to stay tuned:)
Kay – Thank you for reading this to Art. The two of you have a special relationship and I was happy to be able to share you trip to China with Ron. Someday I will have to share a little story about a trip he took there quite by accident.
Ashok – Thank you for reading my post. I am glad you liked it.
Changes in the wind – You are so right. Thank you for you support to me along the way this month. I appreciate you so much.
Cliff – Ron was a Senior Chief in the Navy. Supposedly retired, he never really retired. He actually made me an honorary Chief in front of my sister and our grandson Ryan so I know he felt confident that I could make it on my own. I promised him I had learned well and would make him proud. Really, are YOU really at a loss for words? That's a first. And yes, you two had a lot in common starting with politics and then there was your mutual love for Allis. Thank you and Marilyn for holding us in prayer through this ordeal.
G.B. Miller – I don't know if I ever shared the story about the wealthy woman who followed Ron home from a walk and told me, “He's one of a kind, a dying breed, they just don't make them like him anymore.” So I guess you're right about him being “one in a million”. Thank you.
That was some wonderful Bonus Round you were granted with Ron. Sounds like he brought you such unique joy, it will be tough to feel so joyful again -
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm slowed way down online now- Took days to have time to click n load here-
I am so glad that you are back and writing. Take your time visiting us all.
ReplyDeleteThe way you celebrated your anniversaries is unique and beautiful. It has overwhelmed us all. My husband and my daughter have been asking about you. Please take care.
Oh, just a reminder, please do not compromise your health needs in order to save energy. My husband being a heart patient cannot take heat, so we have air conditioning but he handles it very carefully.
ReplyDeleteSnaggle Tooth -- I loved your calling it a "Bonus Round". That it was for both of us. We were a couple of hermits so to speak and did not think we would ever marry again. It was definitely a God thing.
ReplyDeleteMunir -- Ron and I were always battling the thermostat. He wanted the house warm and I wanted it cold. For some reason in the last two weeks of his life he wanted the house very very cold. We kept the dials on 69 or 70 degrees and I just didn't touch them when he was gone even though there were days I was quite chilled and the AC ran constantly. Now, thanks to your post, I have set them at 74. My thanks to your and your family for your support.
Beautiful and touching...such a rare find but he was out there for you and you for him and it was just like it's supposed to be. You lived the fairytale, my friend, and you knew a love so true it really isn't over; I know those memories will help you feel less alone until you meet again. Hugs and much love to you, amiga. xo
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you took the precious gift you were given and made the most of it. I'm so sorry it had to end. You're entitled to a few 'selfish' thoughts. God bless.
ReplyDeleteSome people never have anything special. Or maybe they never realise it was special until it's too late. I'm so so sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad you had the love and now you have the memories.
ReplyDeleteOh Annie, damn it's hard, nothing I can say will make it less so... sending a favorite your way...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzR-tdsoCS0
Ileana – We did live a fairytale but instead of a background of castles and flowers our background was tractors and auctions and boots and jeans. Thank you for you hugs and love.
ReplyDeletePat MacKenzie – He certainly was a precious gift to me and taught me so many things about living fully in this crazy world.
LL Cool Joe – We did meet late in life and neither of us were expecting to find what we did in each other so definitely “better late than never”.
Brighid – Wonderful video. Thank you so much.
You're right you have the memories & they last forever!
ReplyDeleteTake care you're in my thoughts & prayers.
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