Frankie and Slim

Frankie and Slim
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Thursday, November 16, 2017

BEFORE THE MEMORIAL

My dear blog friends,

Tomorrow is the memorial service for my oldest nephew.  I have not talked about his death on my blog.  It is painful for me but more painful for my brother and sister-in-law.  

He was such a sweetie pie when he and his brother first became a part of our family.  They were foster children.  They were Kiowa Indians.  My brother and sil had been told that because the boys were from such a dark tribe, few Native Americans would adopt them.  They truly believed the boys would be with them for life. 

At the end of the first year the DHS took the older boy (age 6) and placed him with a Native American family where he could be with another brother.  That was difficult for my brother and sil.  They knew then that they could never let five-year-old Martin be taken from them and they began the court process to legally adopt.  

Martin was a scoundrel.  He would do anything and charm his way out of it.  I especially loved him and eagerly helped him out of every problem that I could.  But Martin's problems grew beyond clever pranks and running away from home.  

He married, had three beautiful children and two grandchildren.  But his marriage of 30 years could not survive Martin's drug and alcohol addiction.  

We all exhausted ourselves attempting to rescue Martin.  His two sisters did all they could but he used them as well.  Martin had found a few of his living Kiowa siblings and even they attempted to reach out to Martin.  Finally we all had to let go and let God.  

He surprised us by finally, at age 54, admitting he had a drug problem.  He checked himself into a rehab facility, went through detox, had an enjoyable evening at the facility drug free. His parents had both been able to tell him they were proud of him for the first time in years. That night Martin went to bed and died in his sleep. 

This morning I awakened wondering how can I get through this service?  My own children suffer for this oldest cousin whom they loved.  He was a rescuer to both of them at different times. 

I feel badly for turning my back on my nephew.  He called to me on several occasions but obtaining money was his ultimate goal.  His parents had to cut him off but my brother was the least successful.  He could not let go of his son. I feel guilty for my pain while Martin's parents are feeling their sorrow so very deeply.   

My most visual memory of my nephew Martin was picking him up at his elementary school.  He was on the football team and had been at practice.  The rest of the team was still on the field but Martin was in front of the school leaning on a pole in his uniform with a group of girls gathered around him listening to his stories.  

I pray dear Martin that you have found the peace of God that passes all understanding.  I will always love you.  
Martin was an amazing artist in every medium.


47 comments:

  1. I am so sorry - that really has to be hard for all involved.

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    1. Thank you Sandie. I wrote this more for me but I knew my blog friends would understand.

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  2. I am so sorry for your deeply felt loss.

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    1. Thank you Olga. I needed to pour this out before tomorrow. I have been holding it in too long.

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  3. Addictions are such a bitch and what they do to a person. I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

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    1. Thank you Joe. His alcoholism was one thing but the drug addiction was the worse and started after he had back surgery and they gave him OxiContin. It is a horrible addiction. We missed his humor and intelligence.

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  4. So many things in this life we don't understand, so glad you have the Lord to help you through and pray for the rest of the family.

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    1. Thank you Monica. Appreciate hearing from you.

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  5. I want to cry. My condolences. I (so) appreciate your heartfelt expression. I have deeply troubled nieces and nephews whose parents have died. Karen

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    1. Thank you. I feel your genuine concern.

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  6. Oh Annie, I'm so sorry for your pain. Hugs across the miles.
    Peace be with Martin and blessings to those he has left behind.

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    1. Thank you so much Brig. You and I both have such love for family and it comes through in your message.

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  7. That was a comment about how OxyContin sucks (but it contained a curse word.) Suffice it to say what you said, that you "missed his humor and intelligence." Granny Annie, I'm sorry for your loss and praying that you have the strength it takes to face the Memorial and beyond. Lord knows we all need it.

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    1. Louvregirl, I got the full message in my email, curse word and all and I couldn't agree more. Thanks again.

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    2. Granny Annie, It's funny that you brought that up. I just read a super enlightening article on the family/physician(s) who patented and promoted the drug through the YEARS and managed to almost single-handedly make opioid use commonplace (here):
      http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a12775932/sackler-family-oxycontin/

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    3. That article was mind blowing.

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  8. I am terribly sorry for all who loved him. Addiction is a horrific thing and steals from everyone. My sympathies Annie.

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    1. Thank you so much Linda. We all were caught in his web of charm and charisma and it was to difficult to let him go.

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  9. I can't imagine what your family is going through. Wish you great strength for today, tomorrow and always.

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    1. Thanks Blogoratti. I am happy that I could share this on my blog. So many friends here who genuinely feel our sorrow.

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  10. I hate the fact that your family has lost such an important and well loved member, concentrate on the happy memories and remember the good times.

    Our condolences for your family Annie.

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    1. Thank you Jimmy. I am trying so hard to picture all the good times and then the times I had to tell him "no" just keep creeping in. I just hope he knew how much I always loved him.

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  11. Our prayers are with you and your family in this difficult time.

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    1. Thank you Jan. Do you like the horse he carved?

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  12. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope he found peace.

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    1. Thank you Delores. That is my most fervent prayer.

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  13. I am so sorry you lost such a loved family member so young. Someday we as a society will learn that pain pills cause more pain than they relieve. At least his struggles are over.

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    1. My own Orthopedic surgeon told me that the entire medical profession was responsible for all the prescription drug addictions. I could relate a tiny bit to Martin's addiction because I had a terrible time stopping Hydrocodone after my hip replacement. Thank you Patti for your concern.

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  14. I am so sorry. Addiction is such a destructive illness, and infects the whole family.

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    1. Thank you E.C. You are so right about the affect on our whole family. It is debilitating.

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    2. That was a lovely post Annie. A really honest tribute to him. The memorial service will be a difficult one for you all. God bless!

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    3. Prayers for you! God blees n rest his soul.
      I am having similar problems this week.

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    4. Thank you Winifred. I am most eager to get this day behind us but it will be a tremendous celebration of all our wonderful memories.

      Snaggle Tooth, I am concerned about the similar problems you are having and hope things will turn out for the best.

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  15. My heart goes out to you and your family. Addiction affects so many people at so many levels and layers. Sending you love, Annie.

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    1. Thank you so much Birdie. I needed this love that so many have sent.

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  16. Annie, this is heartbreaking for your brother, his family and all of you. I'm so sorry things couldn't have ended differently and I will be praying for you all. My thoughts are with you, my dear. Hugs and much love to you!

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    1. Thank you Ily. It is heartbreaking for so many. Sadly his youngest grandchild will never know him but today the family will get all the good stories to share for his lifetime.

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  17. I am so so so soooo sorry to read this :-(

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  18. I don't know what I can possibly say apart from being sorry for your loss. possibly he's at peace now.

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    1. Thank you for reaching out River and your hope for his peace now is what we all are most wishful for.

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  19. G.A., my most sincerely condolences for your loss. I know how hard it can be to lose a loved one at such a young age (lost two fave cousins who were at my age when they passed), and I know that you'll be able to reach deep down to find that inner strength that will allow you to make it through those upcoming dark days.

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    1. That is a lovely sentiment G.B. and I appreciate your words. Thank you.

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  20. Thank you so much everyone. I needed these responses from each of you. Today will be easier as I feel the love from people some would call "strangers" but I call you friends. There was such a need for me to release an outpouring of my feelings about Martin and I am thankful for having this blog to use in such a way.

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  21. I feel sadness learnning of your loss, Annie.

    Addiction is a terrible disease, and, sadly and frustratingly, all too often incurable.

    Cherish the good memories, the happy times...of which I am sure there were many.

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  22. Thank you Lee. We did share the good memories and happy times and that was very healing.

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  23. I'm so sorry, Annie. He sounds like a much loved man - so sad.

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