Slim and Franke

Slim and Franke

Friday, November 01, 2013

I'M SORRY, SO SORRY....

Guess you could call me blunt or you could call me a bitch.  One employee at the bank told me she feared me for six months before she learned to love me.  Yikes!

My heart is good.  My thoughts are well intentioned.  But sometimes my mouth goeth before the fall. Sometimes I don't realize people don't want to know what I think.  Perhaps that is why my father tried and tried to emphasize that I should first "be a listener".  Perhaps I should realize I'm not in the workplace anymore and I need to lighten up.

There were times in my career when being a good guy was not the object of my mission.  Completing a task in a timely manner was the mission and success was to be the final outcome and while kindness was a good thing, taking time for too much kindness just didn't get the work done.  I was not a slave driver and certainly rewarded excellence but sometimes I left some chop in the waves.

Maybe I raised my children the same way.  They seem to forgive me. If anything they take after me.  Ron definitely forgave me.  Actually he applauded me.  When I read the plumber the riot act for trying to stiff us on more money for something he screwed up on, Ron winked at me and said "good job". It was like winning the Gold at the Olympics.

My bathroom floors are two weeks behind schedule but they will be completed today. The foreman has had many ailments that have slowed the progress and he was starting to complain again. I finally suggested he  hire a third helper to come and I knew a guy willing to work.    Suddenly the contractor got into action and this morning it is complete except for moving things back into place. You think maybe he didn't want to stretch the quoted fee any further?

Sometimes I think it also has to do with me being a woman who speaks up for herself, do you?


(Today is All Saints Day and obviously I will never make the list but thankfully I have known many who do and my life is blessed because of them.)

24 comments:

  1. I admire that assertiveness! I still have trouble with that--what if this person who is trying to bilk me out of $XXXX thinks badly of me? The inner polite girl can pop out even when i am good and angry. I know she needs to be put in her place, but what if she thinks I am rude? I'm working on it.

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  2. I admire that assertiveness too! After being a doormat for way too long I finally am learning to stand up for myself. It feels good.

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  3. Olga
    It has been called assertive or aggressive behavior with men and bitchiness with women for ages. I took a personality test and scored the same and two higher ranking male executives in our firm yet they were applauded and I was told to tone it down a bit.

    Aunt Betsy
    It feels good until someone mistakes it for being unkind. That is never my intention. I just want to get my point across. And I do not like to be walked all over. I guess sometimes I need to remember I am not in the workplace anymore. Recently I made our Sunday School teacher angry. Oops! lol

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  4. I used to be so passive until one day when I had a lightening bolt experience. I had been trying to please a woman that I didn't even like and then it hit me. Why was I trying so hard for such a spiteful cat. From then on I had no problem speaking my mind. It has got me in to trouble a few times but I have never regretted a word.

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  5. I think I have toned down a bit as I have gotten older, but I am still pretty good at speaking my mind. I take more of a "choose you battles" approach these days.

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  6. I've always found it so interesting that men can say what they think and they are called "strong" and "assertive." A woman speaks her mind and she is a "bitch." Screw that! I calls 'em like I sees 'em. Oh sometimes I jazz it up with a smile or a giggle to not break someone's heart, but there have been plenty of times I just couldn't stop my mouth.

    It's a blessing and a curse, :)

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  7. I admire you for being assertive. I have let people run over me a little too often at times, but those days are over. :)

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  8. I'm a retired teacher, but it's still ingrained in me to be kind and caring. Still... push me too far and there is that eldest daughter part of me that stands up to take over. Good for you! I've told my daughter that she can only be as soft a doormat as she allows herself to be... if she lets too many people walk all over her.

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  9. Oh, this made me grin, Annie. Yeah, I speak up. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, of course. But I don't let people walk over me and I think plain speaking is sorely lacking in our society today. My mother was a firecracker and, while I don't have her short fuse, I did inherit her ability to cut through the crap so to speak. All my kids are the same. I think it's a good thing. At least people that know me, know who I am and what I believe in. Not that I'm close-minded...I just know what I know. And if you have something to teach me, I can't wait to find it out. And, yes, a lot of men, in particular, are threatened by plain-speaking women. Go figure. :)

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  10. I speak up for myself all the time, but I also want to speak up for my husband... he is a wonderful man.

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  11. I am ridiculously wimpy and could stand to take some lessons from you.

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  12. Well, good for you. I wish I had your guts. Lol.

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  13. That first line is the story of my life! Good for you. Assertive in some females gets translated to "bitch" or "aggressive," which is bullshit.

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  14. My mouth has gotten me in trouble a few times, but has saved by butt more times than not.

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  15. I am afraid that I am like you - some times I talk before I think.

    Sometimes I over react.

    People do forgive because deep inside you have a great heart.

    Sandie

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  16. I like strong women.. I try to be one sometimes.. LOL

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  17. I am bitchy around the ones I love and timid with strangers...but as I age I am beginning to tell the difference between those who take advantage and I begin to hold my own with them. When it comes to 'friends' I find that I know longer like, I just avoid them rather than giving them a piece of my mind.

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  18. I think there are times ( well actually I know there are times ) when my mouth goes down the same path as yours. Don't take me for fool, don't walk all over me and definitely don't lie to me even in jest!
    Apart from that I can be quite nice lol
    Take care
    Cathy

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  19. Th4ere's nothing wrong with being pro-active n assertive.
    I'm a bit too head strong for most guys myself.
    I think single-parenthood helps instill more Moxie-

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  20. Yes, assertiveness can really scare the working class.

    My mother had someone come in about a month ago to take a look at the furnace (thing is about 50 years old but still runs pretty good). He start blabbing about how a certain piece need to be replaced for $2K and what not, so my mother called my brother, who does home improvement for a living to ask about what the guy was saying.

    Within a couple of minutes the guy started lowering his price and what not.

    My mother wound up not having the work done, but as you can see, a little assertiveness/knowledge can go an awfully long way.

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  21. Given the choice between spending time with someone like you and spending time with a passive, or passive-aggressive person, I would chose to spend time with the bolder personality. At least then I know what I'm dealing with. My only caveat is that she who can dish it out had better be able to take it, because I will provide firm feedback if I think someone has gone too far with their personal forcefulness.

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  22. Veronica - our leader at the bereavement group explained that when one is left alone and can go for days without speaking to a live person one can burble on when in company with lots of disjointed thoughts without any censoring.
    I certainly feel this applies to me over the last 6 months.
    I'm trying to learn to 'button it.'

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  23. Birdie
    It is often said that we women are our own worst enemies and I certainly found that true in many instances. But I also found many who were my best mentors.

    Jeanie
    I am learning to choose my battles also....I think:)

    heartinhand
    You hit that nail on the head....”a blessing and a curse”.

    Lynn
    Assertiveness is supposed to create a win-win situation. That is what I strive for but often I find myself directed toward I win you lose.

    Kay
    Oh my daughter is a rebel without a cause it seems. I fear she often tilts at windmills.

    Talon
    Wouldn't it be great to see you take your eloquent words and put someone in their rightful place. I bet you could sell tickets to such an event.

    cube
    Yes, I am with you on that. While making a place in this society for my daughter I certainly want a place for my son as well.

    Kerry
    Your statement causes me doubt.

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  24. gigihawaii
    No guts, no glory they say. Lol

    Riot Kitty
    Only a bitch could use the “F” word so well.....right?

    cube
    Didn't I see you here before? Well, hello again. Glad you can save your own butt.

    Chatty Crone
    I do have a good heart and I hope it is reflected closer to the surface:)

    ancient one
    We have had some good teachers.

    Tabor
    Why is it we can get so bitch at times around our loved ones?

    Cathy
    I think you are very nice:)

    Snaggle Tooth
    You are so right about the single parenthood bit. Ron used to tell me I was like a mother bear protecting her cubs.

    G.B. Miller
    Glad your mother knew not to take the fellows line of bull. By the way G.B., you're the only guy who jumped in on this topic.

    Sparkling Red
    There is a big difference in aggression and personal forcefulness.

    Pat
    I can certainly relate to that.

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