Slim and Franke

Slim and Franke
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Monday, October 03, 2011


Which is more therapeutic -- forgiveness or revenge? 

Several months back I came across an article that stated we are healthier when we get revenge than we are offering forgiveness.  This theory came as a shock to me.  Have you ever experienced "sweet revenge" and did it make you feel better?   It seems to me that I have always been better off to "forgive and forget".

Here is another question for those of you who prefer a lighter topic.
You attend a community covered-dish dinner.  As you approach the dessert table you notice one piece of chocolate cream cheese cake is left.  
Do  you:
A. Take it and pile it on top of your already full plate of food?
B. Leave the line to get a clean plate for the cheese cake and risk someone else getting it?
C. Scream at the line to halt and announce that piece of cake belongs to you and they should not touch it for fear of reprisals?


  1. I worked for a law firm a few years ago and this lunatic former partner returned - she had taken a job in Washington and came back - and she hated me on sight. Loved the men. :) I gave her the nickname (in my head only) of "the Axis of Evil."

    A very minor point of revenge - I don't list her name on my resume. I list the firm as it was named when I joined it. Take that. :)

  2. Having expirienced both sides of the equation, I can safely say that neither one makes me feel better.

    The former (revenge) pretty much left me empty and annoyed for weeks/months afterards, whereas the latter has left me somewhat melancholy about the action to this day (with some events happening well over two years ago).

  3. Lynn -- Oh dear those dreadful bully bosses we have had to deal with. Yes some would deserve sweet revenge and most of them end up getting it brought on by their own greed catching up with them. I love it when I hear of that happening.

    G -- Some of those anger issues can certainly hold onto us for a long time can't they?

    I have added a second lighter question for those who don't want to talk about revenge.

  4. Well, I would probably do a version of B on the last question. I would try to balance the two plates! Revenge never really makes me feel better. It just doesn't. I need to get the person out of my life and not even care what happens to them. Forgiveness does give me peace...but that doesn't always happen either.

  5. Tabor -- But what if someone takes the last slice of cheese cake while you're out getting a clean plate? Would you want revenge? LOL

  6. Annie, I am really more the "forgive and Forget" type myself, but I also love other people's revenge stories. Like this one.

    A fellow saw an ad in the paper of a car for sale. It said:

    "2011 Mercedes Benz for sale:$25.00

    He immediately called the woman who told him that the ad was genuine and that if he came over right away he could have the car for $25.00.

    He rushed over and gave her the money,she signed the title over to him, and they had it notorized.

    Only then did he ask her why she was selling this practically brand new car for $25.00.

    She said," My husband has been having an affair with his secretary for years. On Tuesday he had a heart attack and died.

    His will leaves the proceeds from the sale of his Mercedes to HER."

  7. I do forgive, but I find it hard to forget.

    A few years back someone I love was beaten up very badly by her abusive husband, (all the time) and I slashed all the tyres on his car. And yes it did make me feel better, because it allowed her to escape. And because he's a bastard that has left this woman with serious health issues.

    There you go... you asked. ;)

  8. Nancy -- Now that would cause a warm and fuzzy feeling wouldn't it? LOL

    LL Cool Joe -- Good for you! Hooray for you! Bless you! I was called to the bedside of a good friend in the emergency room after her abusive husband defied the restraining order and attacked her in her workplace parking lot. He clubbed her with a hammer and slammed her body in the car with the car door repeatedly before anyone intervened to save her. He went to prison after a traumatic trail and she bought a gun and took courses on how to use it. So far she hasn't had the opportunity but I have no doubts she will if necessary and I believe she will feel good when and if she does. (Yes he got parole after only three years.)

    You are a champion in my books for taking the steps you did. It had to have been a thrill slashing those tires.

  9. forgiveness is way more therapeutic!! Plus my mother always taught me that the way to get revenge is to "kill em with kindness"! So for me it's a win, win!! LOL

    Oh and I would take the choco cake and pile it on top of my already packed plate...sorry!!! LOL

  10. Good thing I don't like chocolate cream pie - teehee.

    I'll take forgiveness myself.


  11. Hmm. Can we say they are equally therapeutic? Although I never personally seek revenge, I do enjoy watching karma ;)

    I don't really care for chocolate, but if it was something I really liked, I'd still leave it for someone else.

  12. I will forgive and forgot as I strongly believe that by forgiving, we are doing good to ourselves ;)

    I love cheesecake but I'll take a clean plate, take it and share with my friends. If I risk others taking it, I'm glad I don't need that extra calories hehehehe....

  13. Okay I would like to say I always forgive and forget. I do forgive, but I need some work on the forget part.LOL

    A little revenge can lighten the heart.LOL
    Okay I am a good God fearing woman,who is working hard on the forgive and forget.
    Great question by the way.

  14. Hello Annie ~~I prefer to forgive and
    forget as revenge would only keep the trouble going on and on. I am not
    a great cake eater so you can have it. Thanks for your comments about the flashlight story and sorry your vivid imagination was not satisfied.
    I always like a torch under my pillow so quite liked it.
    Congrats on being able to stay in control of your home etc. I find I am getting less and less so and have to gracefully accept help.
    Keep up the good work my friend
    Take care, Love, Merle.

  15. I sometimes think of revenge, but because I treat folks the way I want to be treated (my religion), I talk myself out of it.

    I've never had chocolate cheese cake. Chances are that because I eat soft foods only, my plate wouldn't be full. Also I rarely eat alot. My plate could even be empty when I get to the desert because I wouldn't eat the offerings, n the cheesecake could be my meal... it's certainly enough calories for it!
    I wouldn't do all that other stuff. If my plate was full of good stuff I would try to eat, I'd leave the cheescake for someone else... It's ok, especially if the person behind me said they really wanted it. I'm not cut-throat about food at all-

  16. Like Joe I find it easier to forgive than to forget but with age I'm getting better - forgetting I mean. I'm not big on revenge but that's not to say I don't have a moment's schadenfreude when someone who has been beastly gets their come-uppance.

  17. Brown English Muffin – “Kill them with kindness!” How great is that? Your mother is so very wise:)

    Chatty Crone – Not chocolate cream pie – Chocolate ”cheese cake”. We’re talking two different things here – but I do forgive you:)

    Riot Kitty – I shall forever think of “revenge” as watching Karma. I think that is also called “Letting go and letting God”. LOL Of course you would leave the cake for someone else. Guess we’ll have to call you Saint Riot Kitty from now on. (Brown noser)

    Shionge – As I have paid more attention to my own question and original answer like yours, “forgive and forget” I have had to re-think it. I might not be as forgiving as I thought and there are suddenly things I only thought I forgot. Okay you get sainthood with RK since you will share the cake with your friends.

    Casey – “A little revenge can lighten the heart.” O my friend, may I quote you? That is a good one.

    Merle – I knew you would be a forgiver. Thanks for letting me have the cake!

    Snaggle Tooth – I hate to admit that I am extremely “cut-throat” when it comes to food and I can’t explain where that comes from. If I was behind you and saw that last piece of cheese cake I would begin whimpering for you NOT to take it and be so pitiful you would probably take it out of spite for my rudeness. And you could enjoy it because it is very soft.

    Pat – Okay you’ve done it again. I learn so much from you. Was not familiar with the word “schadenfreude” so I looked it up in online Merriam-Webster and also got the audio pronunciation. It is now a new favorite word. I have heard of comeuppance before but don’t use it often but shall start using it now as well.

  18. Hmmmm......I really do always want to forgive and forget, but it's the forgetting that's the hard part. What's that saying "once bitten, twice shy" and I think I develop a healthy guard and stay away from people that are repeat offenders in my world. We all need forgiveness now and then. It's the habitual rudeness of some that bothers me.

  19. Marla and Steve @ -- Uh oh, I'm sure my "habitual rudeness" over chocolate cheese cake would surely bother you:)

  20. I'm with you. Forgive and forget is always the best way, even if it's hard to do at the time.

    Have a Great Week! :-)

    BTW, thanks for your comment on my "Don't Mess With Old People!" post. ~Ron