Slim stretch

Slim stretch

Sunday, December 13, 2009

T.Os. MEMORIES

I guess you could say that my friend Riot Kitty inspired this post. It turns out we are both P.K.s (Preacher's Kids) or as I prefer, T.O.s (Theological Offspring). Learning that fact has helped me understand her frequent use of the "F" word:)

Anyway, here is a story too good not to share.

People learn where the preacher lives and you experience many unexpected knocks on the door. Strangers show up at all hours of the day or night for services, help or handouts.

This particular warm summer evening the knock at the door yielded a young couple wanting a preacher to marry them. Dad had a bit of counseling he would do before agreeing to unite the couple and, once satisfied they knew what they were doing, he would get mother to be his witness and the show would go on.

Mother must have been watching a John Wayne movie because she refused to leave the den to participate and suggested he pick one of the girls to be his witness this time.

My sister and I were teenagers. Elenore was a Senior in high school and I a freshman. Of course he picked the oldest, my sister. Of course I had my usual hissy fit of "Why does she always get picked?" so he said he would have two witnesses this time.

We were doomed from the moment we entered our formal living room. The couple looked like twins. The could have been the human versions of cartoon characters Porky and Petunia Pig! Elenore and I began to softly emit muffled giggle sounds. Dad began to sense his error in bringing us both into the room but it was too late.

We had a picture in our living room that had to always remain on the mantle there because it was some church member's donation and you never moved donations. (We had some very odd furnishings in most of our parsonages.) Dad stood in front of this ugly antique portrait, the couple facing him and Elenore and I on the sofa behind them looking straight at Dad.

I swear to this day that it was Elenore's fault for whispering all the pig noises and adding little comments to the couple's vows that pertained to swine. I tried not to laugh but more than that, I watched to see if Dad was going to maintain his dignity. Suddenly I realized Dad could not hear Elenore's remarks but he could see his devilish daughters up to no good and for some reason it tickled him. He was guarding against a smirk that was forming in the corner of his mouth.

As the ceremony was coming to a close and it appeared we might all escape this without offending the loving couple, I heard "Hey Ann, you wanna go bowling?" and my friend Doug was standing on our front porch at the open door (remember I said it was a warm night) not realizing we had a solemn ceremony taking place.

I burst out laughing.
My sister burst out laughing.
My DAD burst out laughing!

Mother looked up from her movie later and ask how the wedding went. My dad only said, "It's best if we don't let the girls witness together again."

9 comments:

Ily said...

LOL - I can't imagine why your dad would not let you girls witness together again. I think you both added a little pizazz to the occasion. :)

Tabor said...

Funny and delightful story...now I know why you write the way you do. You have faced life with equanimity if not downright silliness.

Bonnie said...

I know to many bridezillas that would freak out if something didn't go right with their "best moment of life".

My sister busted out laughing during her vows. My brother in law officiating the ceremony didn't know how to react. I left the room or my giggles would have turned into uncontrollable laughter, but my sister would have killed me.

I know that I want uncontrollable laughter when I get married this spring. That's why we're doing it at a waterpark and the kids in our lives are being the witnesses.

Kay Dennison said...

I busted out out laughing when we had completed the ceremony. It was funny when we saw the photos because when I walked down the aisle I looked as if Capt. Hook was making me walk the plank. And afterward I was laughing like a fool.

Actually, I shouldn't have been there at all as it turned out.

Riot Kitty said...

LOL! What a hilarious story! I forgot about Petunia. Your dad sounds like he was a great guy for sure :)

BTW, you *can* blame the swearing on my dad. When my brother and I were little, he told us if we grew up and used "language," you should use the real word instead of words like "fudge," "po'd," etc., because you didn't want to sound like an old lady. I think he was joking but to this day he blames himself and says he isn't going to repeat the joke with his second set of kids!

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

A most hilarious story, brightened my day,
Yvonne,

Mountain Mama said...

This is so funny!! I think we must be related because my two sisters and I have the same sense of humor. It can be embarassing to laugh at the wrong time but somehow that makes it all the funnier.
Thanks for sharing. As I read, the familiar old 'giggle' was growing inside my chest.

nora said...

I never laugh so hard as I do with my sisters.

Changes in the wind said...

Too funny! A different kind of life for sure.