1.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.
My mother taught me RELIGION
.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3.
My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL
.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.
My father taught me LOGIC
.
" Because I said so, that's why
."
5.
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6.
My mother taught me FORESIGHT
.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.
My father taught me IRONY
.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9.
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.
My mother taught me about STAMINA
.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.
My mother taught me about WEATHER
.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13.
My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE
.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14.
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15.
My mother taught me about ENVY
.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you
do."
16.
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
.
"Just wait until we get home"
17.
My mother taught me about RECEIVING
.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"
1
8
.
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19.
My mother taught me ESP
.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.
My father taught me HUMOR
.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.
My mother taught me GENETICS
.
"You're just like your father."
23.
My mother taught me about my ROOTS
.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.
My mother taught me WISDOM
.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25.
My father taught me about JUSTICE
.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"